A Lesson From Star Wars: Anger Management

A few months ago I had a realization about myself that I have never had before.  You can probably guess by the title of the blog that it's about anger, something that I work on daily.  Now I don't go yelling at people or punching things; thankfully I have progressed past that point, but I do have thoughts like, "You dork, why are you driving like that?" or "Are you kidding me?"  Maybe you've caught yourself saying similar things in your mind.  While these don't harm other people, I believe they actually have a negative impact on ourselves.  They seem really insignificant right?  But the smallest crack can turn into a gaping hole.

Now I'm a religious person and I believe that Satan (as described in the Bible) exists and wants us to be miserable like he is.  I would argue that these seemingly natural thoughts are one of his ways to weaken and tear us down (light attracts light, darkness more darkness).  Indeed, we feel justified in saying that guy is an idiot because he's driving like a maniac.  However, do we ever really know the whole story?  If the guy had a sign above his car saying "My wife is going into labor!" most people would understand and excuse him, and they wouldn't have negative thoughts.  But until that day of emergency car messages we will have to be tolerant and understanding.

I feel like I digressed a little but hopefully it makes a point about what kind of anger I'm referring to.  It is the very small anger we feel over everyday things.  "I lost my keys!" "I spilled on my nice shirt!" "My roommates are messy!"  These smaller negative thoughts can weaken our spirituality, because any anger, big or small, can cause further negativity (or in religious terms, push the Holy Spirit away).

This is what I realized.  For one month I went without feeling (or I controlled really well) these small angers.  I felt a huge difference in how I felt; I could definitely feel greater inspiration.  Then events happened in my life and I did not control my anger as well.  I felt myself weaken and as I weakened, the more I felt other negative thoughts.  So my point is, we must be cautious in what we say or think.  Even small amounts of anger need to be controlled or they could get out of control, hence my Star Wars reference.  Let's all do a little better at controlling our thoughts.  This is the quote I was thinking of when I initially thought of this.

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -Yoda

Falling in Every Direction

Lately I've been working as a teaching assistant helping a professor teach about land surveying (for those who don't know I worked as a surveyor for a summer).  I work teaching labs where students learn how equipment is used in the real world (or as close as we can simulate). One such lab discusses the use of a level and level rod; let it be enough to know that these are used to measure vertical distances.

The level rod, a long measuring stick, is the topic of today's post because of something I tell the students to do while holding the rod steady.  What I explain to them is, they will know when the rod is level/straight up when they feel it "falling in every direction."  Jokingly one of my students pointed out that it sounded like one of those motivational statements, "Life only gets higher when you climb" or something like that.  But actually, they have a good point, it makes a good life statement.

Initially it might sound negative; falling usually doesn't sound nice.  However think about it in the view of the level rod.  A measurement reading from the rod can only be taken when it is in complete balance or "falling in every direction."

This can be a statement about our lives.  We can only be in complete balance if we are falling in every direction.  It's the balancing act of life; getting the right balance of personal life, family life, and religion.  If we fall over too much in one direction then any reading/measurement we take of our life could be inaccurate, just like the level rod when taking vertical measurements.  Only when we fall in every direction are we in complete balance; with balance in all directions of our life.

Not bad for a land surveying tool eh?  Thanks for the idea Jaren.

2nd Chances

When I first thought of this topic I knew exactly what I was going to say.  Now I'm not really sure.  When I think of 2nd chances now, I want to talk about how it relates to my last post; 2nd chances usually comes after my last topic, when we wonder what would have been.

Think back to the last topic; hopefully I communicated that there are times when events have a purpose.  However there are other times where we make downright mistakes; the kind that prevent us from progressing.  This could happen in a lot of situations; in relationships, personal or spiritual life, work, sports, etc.  Has this ever happened to you?  The real question is who HASN'T this happened to?

2nd chances are an opportunity to right past wrongs.  At some point, some 'entity' decides that we are worthy of a 2nd chance either because we were having an off day, they know we can do better, or they are really patient and forgiving.

To my challenge (which I seem to give a lot of them).

When given a 2nd chance, we shouldn't squander it or treat it like it's our first.  Make the best of it.  It's a gift - receive it.

We should give others a 2nd chance.  Other people desire a chance to do better just like we do.  However there is a caveat - if giving that 2nd chance puts us in danger physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually, we shouldn't do it.  It is better for us and them to move on.

I'm not really sure why this has been on my mind, but here's what I've come up with so far.  I know/understand that I would not be where I am today if not for the many 2nd chances that people give me, everyday.  So thank you!  Thank you for being patient and understanding.

Lesson from Narnia: Life Satisfaction

I'd like to share one of the lessons I learned from reading the Chronicle of Narnia Series by C.S. Lewis.  I was actually surprised at all of the allusions to Christ there are in the books, especially through the character Aslan.  There are a ton of lessons the books teach, but I noticed a particular lesson always jumping out at me.  At one point Lucy asks Aslan what would have happened if she had made a different choice.  His reply, "It is not ours to know what would have been..."  Essentially saying we must live with the consequences and the results of our choices.

Wouldn't that be nice though, knowing what would have been?  Or do you think that would make things worse by dwelling on it?  Or would it motivate you to do better and desire to make different choices in the future?  And a lot of other questions that each of us could answer differently.

This is kind of related but not the focus of my post.  On the anniversary of an unforgettable event that occurred in our nation's history, this is a particularly interesting thought; what would have been had those men not chosen to act the way they did?  This is a just a side thought to my original focus, but it brings up questions to my mind; would we have become more complacent in our attitude to the world?  Another question, especially for those families who have lost loved ones, what would they being doing now?

We all have made decisions in our lives that we at one time or another regret making (if you haven't then go to heaven already).  Have you ever caught yourself thinking, what would my life be like if I made a different choice?  Maybe even begin to think life would be better in that other reality.  I caught myself doing that today, like I've done before.  I snapped out of it though because I was pulled back to my reality when I realized I wouldn't be who I am today.  I rather like who I am, where I've been, what I've done, who I know.

It makes me think of a line from Hamlet's soliloquy on suicide (happy, I know).  It says, "The undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to those we know not of?" (William Shakespeare, Hamlet)

It's all about perspective I think; if we would have had a better life than we do now, of course we would want it.  But if our life would have been worse off than now, we would most definitely run from it.  I hope my intended message has come across; the purpose of this post is to say, be happy!  Life is what it is.  Sometimes things happen for a reason, sometimes things just happen.  But whatever happens, I think if we find something to learn from it then we will be a happier person.  "But you don't have to take my word for it." (Levar Burton, Reading Rainbow)

Judging: Fear of doing something you don't want to

One day you meet this person going bowling.  Over time you go bowling more often and become friends with this individual.  The person seems like a great individual; kind, good sense of humor, helpful, etc.  Then you find out that they are really good at bowling because they are the child of the evil super villain 'Red Velvet' who is not such a great fellow (super villains are secretly really good at bowling).  With this new information you suddenly have these new feelings of breaking said friendship all because of the father's tarnished reputation.  The person seems nothing like the father but you can't shake these feelings to run the other way.  You know that judging someone by a completely different person's actions is foolish.  Even though you know this you fear that you don't have the strength to NOT let it get in the way; that it will come up in a conversation and you will eventually 'burn a bridge.'

"Uh your dad is an evil super villain, how do you feel about that?"  Not really a good conversation topic.

Obviously this would never happen because I just made up the super villain Red Velvet, but have you ever had this feeling?  Fearing that you will do something, even though you know it's not right?  For example, like judging someone unfairly without even knowing them.  All my life I have been taught to treat people equally; to give everyone a chance and the benefit of the doubt, and I make an effort to do this.  Then I learn something about someone and it has the chance of affecting the relationship I have with them, if I let it.  From all my experiences with them I see the person is nice, kind, and good, but if I didn't know this one piece of information, that's not necessarily about them but involves them, then I wouldn't second guess my friendship.

Sometimes I truly think ignorance is bliss, because they haven't done anything wrong and they absolutely DO NOT deserve to be treated poorly.  No one does.  That's what I fear, treating someone poorly who doesn't deserve it.  Don't misunderstand, I avoid even getting close to being unkind to others.  I only hope that if I have done it that I have apologized and made amends.

May we all do a little better about learning about a person, truly, before burning bridges, because some chasms only get deeper and longer with time.

Repentance: When is it too late?

I was writing an email to my brother and was talking about how it feels good when you see people make good decisions, but sad when you see them choose not to.  Another way to put this is the feeling parents have while watching their kids grow up, or as I've experienced being an educator and seeing some students choose to succeed while others choose not to.  Anyway, I mentioned the sad part to him, but to be hopeful I started monologuing about how "there's always an opportunity for them to choose in the future."  That phrase got me thinking, how much time do we/others actually have to repent?

Putting any specific religion aside, I think we all hope that there is salvation for us, or if you prefer to think we're all doomed, I respect that; to each their own.  But for those of us "glass half-full-ers" I'm sincerely curious about this idea of repentance and when God, as the mediator of our life-test, says "Okay, time is up.  Stop praying, put your scriptures down, and wait for your test to be graded."

I expect that the opinions on this topic are many and varied.  Maybe we only have while we're here on earth to repent; maybe we have until the millenium; maybe we have 5 years after we die.  I don't know!  Trying to figure that mystery out just seems confusing.  So let's go to basics.  Scriptures say God is the same yesterday, today, and forever; that God is merciful; that even he follows rules of justice (hence the need for an atonement and a savior, someone to give his life for his friends).

Here's what I choose to think.  Knowing that God is merciful, that he cares about us, that he has indeed provided an atonement through his son Jesus Christ, I'd like to think that if a person is willing to confess and forsake their sins, and seek God, then they will be forgiven.  When can they not do that anymore?  Honestly, I don't think there is a limit.  "But Frans, what you just said means that we can do whatever we want and then repent of it later.  That can't be fair/true."

You're completely right, but here is the kicker.  My personal opinion is this, someone that truly chooses to be wicked will NOT choose to repent.  It wouldn't be what they really want.  For example let's say someone really wicked is admitted into heaven,  "What in the world are they doing there?" you think, but the people in heaven aren't worried.  Why?  Because sooner or later this person will either choose good (we can hope) or they will feel SO uncomfortable being around truly good people that they will leave and go to where they are comfortable, a place with a warmer atmosphere, and not the cuddly welcoming warm.

I mean, from an LDS view, we do ordinances for the dead, believing that this gives these people the opportunity to choose good; they are not forced but can choose to accept or reject the ordinance.  Why would we do this unless we believe there is always an opportunity to choose good?  So those are my thoughts about time for repentance, that there is always an opportunity open, it just depends on the individual.

If you have thoughts please share.  But I kind of feel like this is one of those potentially heated topics, where opinions vary and feelings may be hurt, so I ask that if you comment to be respectful.  Thanks! :)

Networking: A necessary evil or a good idea?

This last weekend I did something I told myself I wasn't going to do ever since I learned about it; I joined Twitter.  Clearly I must be going insane right?  If you answered yes to that question you know me well; or you want to give me a hard time about it.  Either way, maybe you have had the same feelings I have about networking, "Just another way for people to share pointless updates about their lives."  I'm still not a big fan of the play-by-play status updates, or "I just went to the bathroom" updates as I call them, but there are better ways to use these networking sites, and people are using them this way too.

A plethora of information is being processed from thousands of people every second, and not all of it is meaningless.  More frequently these networking sites are being used to raise awareness of natural disasters and relief efforts, provide comfort, enstill hope, give strength, and many other meaningful purposes.  Even information on government and politics, international events, and health awareness.  Or for funny bone purposes videos of comedians, funny clips from our favorite TV shows/movies, and hilarious pictures of animals sleeping in positions originally thought impossible!  So how does this relate to me, well I'll tell you.

As an upcoming college graduate I've been looking a lot at jobs and been applying for internships and entry-level positions frequently.  What does job searching have to do with networking?  The two are practically synonymous.  You've probably heard just like I have, "It's not what you know, but who you know."  Companies that come to the career fairs are now saying to job seekers, "If you're interested in learning about us and being up-to-date on job listings follow us on Facebook and Twitter."  This is the reason I spent my weekend getting acquainted with LinkedIn and Twitter.

I'm a firm believer that knowledge is power, and even though there may be the often "I picked my nose" update, information in this form can still be useful; now you know not to shake hands with that individual. :P  In all seriousness, I believe that as we make ourselves aware of what is going on we will be instilled with power, not over other people or over something, but we will become masters of ourselves; we will become captains of our own destinies.  Deep huh?

An Aunts Day and an Uncles Day!

Today my family and I visited my  mom's brother Mark and his wife Sharon, who I lived with for several years during high school.  They are like another set of parents to me and I have a great love for both of them.  So here's what I was thinking about today.  Whenever it comes to mother's day I usually only think of my mom and forget my aunt, and the same thing for father's day but for my uncle, thus my sadness.  I wish I didn't forget to show love/care to those who have impacted my life until later, and sometimes too later.  I always like reminders and the easiest way I could think of is create an Aunt's Day and Uncle's Day.  There are already a lot of holidays, and I don't see how businesses wouldn't like the additional excuse to sell whatever.

What I'm trying to say is...

To my Aunt Sharon and Uncle Mark,

Even though it's past mother's day and past father's day I want you to know you will always be my other parents.  I cherish the memories I made with you and will never forget the kindness you rendered me in my time of need.  You treated me as one of the family and still do.  I'll never forget watching Colonel Potter, Captains Honeycut and Pearce on M.A.S.H.  or working in the garden until the sun was too hot.  I am a better person, a better man because of you.

With all my heart, Thank you!

Dedicated to my Dad

Call it cheesy, but yes my next blog post is about my dad because it's Father's day and I wanted part of my gift to my dad to be this.  I hope that you have or will do something or the same for your own dad.

I wrote a poem for my mother, and that was cute, but I don't think I'm going to do that for my dad (sorry dad).  But I think what would be worth mentioning are all the things I think I get from my dad.

My fascination with science-fiction, I get from my dad.
A desire to learn new things and keep learning, I get from my dad.
My love of science understanding how the world works, I attribute to my dad.
My work ethic, and sticking to a job until it's done, I learned through my dad.
Dedication and love of the Gospel.
The geekiness inside of me that enjoyed watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, from my dad.
Riding a motorcycle and feeling the wind all around me, my dad.
A desire for adventure and new places, people, things... my dad.
A fascination with technology and innovation, from my papa.
Speaking to people I don't know and finding something in common, I get from my dad.

These and more are just a few of the things that make me who I am.  I am grateful for these gifts and that I have been taught well.  Thank you Dad, for teaching me; for being a part of my life.

Dedicated to my Mom

I've been thinking a lot lately about the importance of mothers and how the human body is created from small cells into this complex organism that can think and act for itself.  It's incredible!  And the people that are given this great responsibility to bring new individuals into the world are so strong.  I look at them and I think, "How do you do it?"  So this one is dedicated to them and more specifically my mom.

I love my mother oh so very much

More than I can count she's been my crutch

She's always there and helps me find my way

When I am lost she brightens up my day

She works real hard to keep us all alive

By working, teaching, loving us to death

Without her I would probably not thrive

I am surprised that she's not out of breath

Thank you mother for all that you do

Together we will always make it through